My interest to do a discussion about this particular topic was sparked by a really good and positive article I read in a Magazine and I have learned a lot about self-love over the years and the importance of self-acceptance and the fact that there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first sometimes. On the contrary, it’s actually a good thing.
How Self-love and motivating myself is a struggle for me still.
I often find myself thinking I’m not good enough for this or that or that I’m letting people down by not doing more. That’s something that is engraved into us from early on in our lives because we tend to compare ourselves to others – thinking we want to aspire to do what they do – or become something even better than them.
There’s that lack of feeling motivated to do any better, to aspire to something new and exciting even if it might scare me at first, the lack of action to say YES to new things – to new and different experiences that I’ve never been through before. Essentially seeking comfort.
What determines how we feel about ourselves in general?
I think a lot of it stems from our early ages as a kid and how our parents/caretakers treat us and what they teach us about the world and how that affects us as kids because we aren’t really aware of it – unable to develop a complete sense of ourselves before the age of 8 – being that young. Our parents/caretakers influence us in more ways than we think.
Society plays a big part into how we see others and what we feel is acceptable and what isn’t. I still find myself jumping to these toxic mindsets where I place judgement on someone or something without having any right to do so but that comes from what people say about one another – which in turn – plays into how we perceive ourselves – ultimately thinking we need to look this way or that, achieve getting really good grades in school or aspire to get a certain degree to have an amazing well paid Job in the end.
Are there ways in which we can help improve our self-esteem and essentially feeling more self-acceptance in the process?
What helps is that we have to see ourselves in a way that we recognize that we have flaws and that we make mistakes, which doesn’t mean we deserve any less unconditional love and support from others.
Giving ourselves more positive emotional regard is really important – when it comes to refusing to give ourselves the punishment for something that is our fault – but we want it to be someone else’s so – our minds jump to this fixed mindset where we either have an ability or we don’t. But that’s not the key to more self-acceptance and emotional regard. If we can apply these methods to others to value their intelligence and their skills then we can ultimately apply that to ourselves.
It’s important to choose to offer ourselves support and understanding no matter what we’ve done which overall improves our emotional state increasing more compassion for each of us.
I was also watching this great TED talk about this which kind of helped me think more about how to positively regard myself in the future more instead of looking on the things to blame myself for. The women in this talk actually gave great pieces of advice at the end that I wanted to include here:
- Slow down
- Develop Awareness – delve into your beliefs
- Be gentle with yourself
- Cultivate the belief that you can change – our most basic traits and abilities aren’t set in stone
- Accept, Repair and try to center yourself
Quotes that I find really inspiring
“It’s simply being kind to myself—meeting myself, whatever my emotional, physical or psychological state, with loving kindness. As simple, and difficult, as that!” – Marianne Elliott
“Unfortunately, my inner dialogue isn’t always kind or accepting. When I catch myself engaging in negative self-talk, I remind myself that I am enough, that I’m doing good work, and that I have friends and family who love me.” – Tammy Strobel
“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got be a way through it.” Michael J. Fox
“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”
― Charlotte Brontë,
We’re all human and we go into different kinds of modes depending on the situations that we’re in but if we stop to think less judgemental of ourselves it helps to see the place that our reactions are coming from and that we don’t intend to negatively influence a situation or make it worse. It’s all about learning. A work in progress.
What has your experience been like in terms of giving yourself more positive regard in general?
Obviously, everyone deals with it differently but I’d love to hear your opinions and learn about different ways to improve self-confidence! Spreading positivity and understanding is one step further to make our world a place that represents love, in all forms.
Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic below!